Juviand, I just found you on here and instantly subscribed. I've lived abroad many times in my life and love reading about other's experiences. I can't totally relate to what you're saying about hyper-independence, I couldn't have described it any better. Suddenly you're figuring it all out on your own, no matter what it is. And the crazy thing is that as hard as it is, it is also SO empowering. Everything is figure-out-able and I've proved that to myself time and time again. I am not saying it was easy, there were a lot of tears involved and moments where I felt so lost and alone. But in the end, it always worked out.
Yes! Everything *is* figure-out-able! But we will have a few mental breakdowns along the way hahah 😅
I think expats are some of the most resilient and empathetic people because we’ve had to struggle so much to earn our place in our desired country. But it also gives us so much gratitude once we are able to plant roots!
Thank you for being so honest and sharing the downsides of living abroad! I've moved around quite a bit over the last few years (I'm from Hawai'i but have lived in Morocco, Vienna, and the UK) and found your struggles very relatable. Another sacrifice I would add (and maybe this one feeds into your first point about missing milestones) is having my loving community of friends and family so spread out all over the globe. Sometimes it feels like I'm constantly 'rebuilding' my life and searching for community each place that I go, to the point where nowhere feels undoubtedly like home anymore. I'd like to think it's worth it for all of the adventures and connections that are out there to come
Thank you for sharing, Emma 🤍 and so beautifully put too.
I find being an expat is a particularly lonely and isolating because it feels like no one can relate to, what I can only describe, as existential fragmentation. It’s like once you become an expat, especially across multiple countries, it becomes harder and harder to hold the things that were once solid, such as your sense of identity, your community, your definition of family and home. Everything becomes so much more fluid, and there’s an equal amounts of joy and grief that comes with that.
Do let me know if you’d like to share your abroad story with my newsletter community. I think your POV would be so valuable to others 🫶
point number #4!! living in the same small sized house I do today, but doubling on the members living inside, made me want to run for liberty! and now that I have it, its so eerie. I need the telly on all the time so that I know I'm surrounded by people.
its really though cause while I am friends with my flatmates. but even in that I do not want our lives to become one and yet I want us to share some, but it's so tough to manage that perfect for even 2 of use let alone 3. there was a time when 2 of us were inseparable but thats so old and just makes me miss my personal personality I feel like we in the worst was became one complex person with the same issues, doubling the anxiety. I hate this flux
Thanks for sharing your experience, Phoebe! It is a constant tug and pull between wanting to be with others and being independent. Finding the right boundaries is so necessary so you don’t burn out!
Idk if it would help you, but this post on finding female friendships abroad might be helpful for you to find your people OUTSIDE of your house/ flatshare situation. I find having distinct boundaries between my home life and my social life is helpful for me.
Hard on no. 1 & 4! Such a good article.
Thanks for reading, Julia 💗 and welcome to my Substack which is essentially a support group for other expats at this point 😅🫶
Where has this been the last five years of my life???? So happy to be here x
Juviand, I just found you on here and instantly subscribed. I've lived abroad many times in my life and love reading about other's experiences. I can't totally relate to what you're saying about hyper-independence, I couldn't have described it any better. Suddenly you're figuring it all out on your own, no matter what it is. And the crazy thing is that as hard as it is, it is also SO empowering. Everything is figure-out-able and I've proved that to myself time and time again. I am not saying it was easy, there were a lot of tears involved and moments where I felt so lost and alone. But in the end, it always worked out.
Yes! Everything *is* figure-out-able! But we will have a few mental breakdowns along the way hahah 😅
I think expats are some of the most resilient and empathetic people because we’ve had to struggle so much to earn our place in our desired country. But it also gives us so much gratitude once we are able to plant roots!
Absolutely!! Empathy and resilience are definitely two skills/character traits that develop immensely while living abroad.
I feel this!
🫂 I think expats need to form a support group on this platform
100%
Thank you for being so honest and sharing the downsides of living abroad! I've moved around quite a bit over the last few years (I'm from Hawai'i but have lived in Morocco, Vienna, and the UK) and found your struggles very relatable. Another sacrifice I would add (and maybe this one feeds into your first point about missing milestones) is having my loving community of friends and family so spread out all over the globe. Sometimes it feels like I'm constantly 'rebuilding' my life and searching for community each place that I go, to the point where nowhere feels undoubtedly like home anymore. I'd like to think it's worth it for all of the adventures and connections that are out there to come
Thank you for sharing, Emma 🤍 and so beautifully put too.
I find being an expat is a particularly lonely and isolating because it feels like no one can relate to, what I can only describe, as existential fragmentation. It’s like once you become an expat, especially across multiple countries, it becomes harder and harder to hold the things that were once solid, such as your sense of identity, your community, your definition of family and home. Everything becomes so much more fluid, and there’s an equal amounts of joy and grief that comes with that.
Do let me know if you’d like to share your abroad story with my newsletter community. I think your POV would be so valuable to others 🫶
Also so beautifully put! It's definitely something not talked about nearly enough when we glamorize living abroad.
I'd love to share my story if you'd like!
Yay! I’ll message you x
point number #4!! living in the same small sized house I do today, but doubling on the members living inside, made me want to run for liberty! and now that I have it, its so eerie. I need the telly on all the time so that I know I'm surrounded by people.
its really though cause while I am friends with my flatmates. but even in that I do not want our lives to become one and yet I want us to share some, but it's so tough to manage that perfect for even 2 of use let alone 3. there was a time when 2 of us were inseparable but thats so old and just makes me miss my personal personality I feel like we in the worst was became one complex person with the same issues, doubling the anxiety. I hate this flux
Thanks for sharing your experience, Phoebe! It is a constant tug and pull between wanting to be with others and being independent. Finding the right boundaries is so necessary so you don’t burn out!
Idk if it would help you, but this post on finding female friendships abroad might be helpful for you to find your people OUTSIDE of your house/ flatshare situation. I find having distinct boundaries between my home life and my social life is helpful for me.
https://anotherbroadabroad.substack.com/p/004-why-is-expat-life-so-lonely
The autonomy thing is very real!!
Something only expats would get 🙈😖